I don’t know what you’ve been told, but I am here today to tell you that relocating is exhausting! All of last week was spent looking at houses, thinking about houses, driving downtown (one of my least favorite things to do, although Minneapolis traffic is nothing compared to downtown Chicago) to pick my husband up from work to drive to the suburbs, or getting things ready to visit Chicago for the weekend. Then, the weekend at home (although I can’t really call it home because Minnesota is our home now), while absolutely wonderful, was so busy that we barely had time to sit down.
The short update on housing is this: we are under contract with a place that checks all of our major boxes, but in terms of looks, leaves us feeling “uninspired” (as my husband has been saying, which surprises me because I was under the impression he didn’t really care what a place actually looked like in terms of decor). I spent the whole weekend telling people about and showing people photos of this home, so I’ve been imagining our lives there, and the more I did that, the more I was like “yes, this can be our home.” Then, the master-of-indecision that I married wanted to continue to look at a few places just to be sure that our current choice is actually the one we want. While part of me respects the fact that he’s thorough and most of his reasoning is to make sure that I’m happy with the choice since I’m the housewife (which I love about him. His goal is always to make me happy), it also infuriates me. I spent yesterday (Monday) staring at 2 other options and trying to find reasons why our place is clearly better and reasons our place is absolutely the wrong choice. Eventually, it got to a point where I just want the whole decision-making process to be over because I literally felt like I was going to explode. I just didn’t care anymore. The pressure of home buying had broken me.
This, of course, was not the right reaction, so we ended up seeing one of the places yesterday. Luckily (?) it wasn’t nearly as nice in person as in the pictures, so that was a hard pass. We see one more place tomorrow, but it’s very similar to the one we’ve already got, just in a different suburb. That brings up an entirely different variable that is giving me an equally complicated decision: which city do we actually want to live in??
At first drive-through, option A seemed nice but very secluded. Almost every retail option I could possibly want is there, but its essentially all in one giant shopping area, and the rest of the city is homes. This would be nice in terms of only having to go to one place for all of my shopping needs, but that also means that everyone else who lives around there would have to go to that location as well. The older I get the more I’m realizing that I really don’t like people. I know that sounds terrible, but hear me out. I love people that I know, that I interact with, people from my church, people from the gym, environments that I’m comfortable in, etc. I really just don’t like being in crowds of strangers. I avoid grocery stores and malls after school hours and on weekends for this very reason. I like space, I like to move at my own pace, and I don’t like wondering how many people are staring at me for the way I walk or the braces on my legs. I don’t mind being approached and asked questions, quite the opposite actually. I love when people want to know what’s going on because I can educate people on Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease and take one baby step towards normalizing it. If you ever see me and want to ask questions, I’m an open book. 98% of the time though, people don’t ask, they just stare and judge. The worst part is for whatever reason people automatically assume that my physical disability is also a mental one. It’s always fun to see the surprise in their eyes if they hear me speak or happen to actually strike up a conversation and discover that the opposite is actually true.
but I digress.. that whole rant could go on forever. The bottom line here is I avoid people as a whole.
So that’s city option A. It also has a church I’d like to check out, but I’m wondering if I want to try it only because I know it has similarities to the church that I am so sad to leave behind, which is likely the exact wrong reason to want to live in a city, right? On the hope that one worship option might possibly be what you want, but you aren’t certain? City B is majorly up and coming, pretty popular, and actually had retail establishments more spread out, but you have to drive 15-25 minutes to get to any significant downtown area, date night worthy space, or any largely populated space, however, the drives are ridiculously easy. We were on the road there at 5:30 pm and hit virtually no traffic. By traffic, I don’t mean traffic jams… I mean traffic as in any other cars on the road with us. It was empty! In this town, I could run my errands after work hours or on weekends and not have the crowding issues that normally keep me away. This is intriguing to me.
The house we are under contract with is in city B and the house we see tomorrow is city A, and I am so torn that I don’t know what to do.
Last week, house hunting was exhausting simply because of all of the stairs I was doing to explore our home options. This week (and it’s only Tuesday…) it’s exhausting emotionally, which sometimes is harder on my body than physical exhaustion is. My goal is to have answers by the end of this week. While this whole thing is exhausting, the idea of a fresh start, getting to set up my new Diva and the Divine Headquarters, and creating a new normal in a new home with a husband who actually comes home at the end of the day every day is really exciting, but for now I’m just plain old tired, and no matter how much I sleep or how many espresso shots I snag from our temporary apartment’s awesome coffee machine, the tired doesn’t go away. Still, I’m optimistic that God sent us here for our next chapter and it will be good. It will be hard, but it will be good. The conversations with family and our amazing church friends this past weekend really helped drive that point home and brought a lot of comfort during the hardest of times, and for that, I am so very thankful.