My best friend from college texted me today asking for my top advice on how to start a blog. While I hardly feel qualified to give her legitimate advice, one of the things I did tell her was to “just start.” How hypocritical of me to tell her to simply get something posted when I myself have only posted a whopping one blog post this entire month. Granted, it’s mostly because I’ve got Vlogust happening over on my Youtube channel, but while that’s the truth, it’s also a totally reasonable excuse for me to hide behind.
The truth is I’m trying really hard to find my “flow,” but it’s proving to be a struggle. The balance between blogger work and housewife work is quite frankly
a little pretty difficult for me to figure out. If I’m being honest, without having a legit 8-hour work day income to show for the work I put into Diva and the Divine, it makes it difficult to prioritize putting in the crazy amount of work for such a small amount of payout when at the same time the whole housewife thing (which technically pays nothing, but it is, in fact, my job..for now) needs to take priority because my husband depends on me to be there.
As a woman, there’s always this internal struggle to do what others expect of you first, often putting caring for yourself on the backburner. While this is only sort of the case for me, I still have several totally separate yet completely intertwined “buckets” that my activities and choices fall into.
Bucket 1: Housewife
Being a housewife is truly a blessing. As you know, we don’t have any children (except for our dog, Gracie) and we are not planning on having any. This means that being a stay at home housewife is mostly just managing myself and my husband, which you would think would be pretty easy. Still, a 6.5 lb puppy makes messes and kicks up dust from who knows where, while my hardworking husband comes home and somehow manages to create more dirty laundry than I do, is often the reason I have to go grocery shopping more often than I would if it was just me, and the clutter that occurs between the two of us makes me feel like I could always be picking up, cleaning, or organizing something. Even without kids, housewifing can be a 100% full-time job. I honestly don’t know how you mommies do it. I know a handful of stay-at-home moms raising their beautiful kids, and I see some of what they post on Instastories (I have one friend in particular who posts the honest look at stay-at-home mommyhood and all its realness) and I salute you all. That job is not for the faint of heart. And don’t even get me started on the mommies that also have jobs outside of the home. You all are the real MVPs, and I’m over here griping about how hard it sometimes is to manage a completely self-sufficient man (except when it comes to remembering where things are…that’s apparently solely my job) and a 6.5-pound pup.
Now, in my defense, living with Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease often means that many tasks (I’m looking at you, folding laundry, deep cleaning, and grocery shopping) takes me a bit longer and uses up a higher percentage of my energy than the “normal” person, but still..even knowing that fact about my body I still want to be the woman who can accomplish it all. Spoiler alert: Odds are I won’t ever get there. I need to start accepting that as fact and moving on.
Bucket 2: Blogger
This is where I want to be spending most of my time. Do you have any idea how much time creating a blog post or a Youtube video actually takes? Odds are the answer is at least twice as long as you think it does. I can easily spend 6 hours at the computer finishing up a video and blog post. Not starting and finishing…we’re talking 6 hours on a project that’s already halfway complete. No, I’m not exaggerating. Putting in the work to make my brand as lucrative as I’d like (which is to say actually adding an impactful income to the family bank account) would mean that I’m working at minimum a 40 hour work week. I know that’s what most people do to begin with, but they actually have the cash flow to back up that work. I know, I’m complaining and my lack of success is likely due to poor time management, but I swear I am actively trying to get my head screwed on straight, a schedule in order, and actually make this what I want it to be.
I am one of those people who is a lot of brainstorming with a significantly less amount of production to show for it. I have lists of ideas everywhere. I get giddy with excitement when I come up with a new title for a post that I’m sure is going to help someone or motivate someone. I love using my blog and channel to help people, and ultimately that’s what I want to do: Help others. However, I probably crank out one post for every 5 that I come up with. Even as I’m typing this word-vomit post my head is spinning with 42,057 other thoughts floating around in there trying to pull my focus. It’s what I deal with every single time I try to work. There’s a reason I went into music in college. Singing tunes out the crazy. Typing does not.
Bucket 3: Chronic Dieter & Weight Watcher
This might sound silly giving weight loss a bucket all it’s own, but every single day it truly feels like it is it’s own highly time-consuming bucket. Not only do I want to spend time prepping meals, tracking calories or Points, and getting to the gym for myself, but it directly corresponds with bucket #2, as 95% of my followers consume my weight loss related content more than anything else. The fact that I haven’t gotten where I want to go yet in this arena infuriates me to no end, but I also believe there are some huge mental roadblocks here. My biggest one: If I hit my goal weight I won’t be able to talk about my weight loss journey anymore and people will stop watching/reading. Is this fact? It could be, but what a stupid reason to be mentally stalled out at achieving something so important to me.
So what if people stop watching? Quite frankly, for one reason or another, my views have tanked on YouTube anyway (I fully blame something on YouTube’s end, but hey, it could be my fault too), so it doesn’t actually matter! The “worst” has already happened, and guess what? I’m still here, I’m still creating content, and the people that are meant to see it will see it, so stop screwing with yourself and just get it done. Then you’ll have an entire bucket that can just go away! Won’t that feel great?!
(Clearly, this is turning into a pep talk for myself)
What’s the point of my ramble?
The point was to have something to publish today so the advice I gave to my friend wasn’t completely hypocritical. Even more importantly, it was to give all of you a little insight into the way my mind has been messing with me lately. As I typed out all of this, as legit as it all might be (or not), I see what I wrote as a giant list of excuses for why I’m not doing what I want to be doing. Am I being too hard on myself? Maybe. Am I actually spot on and these are all just excuses, and I just need to get it together and get things done? Very likely. Either way, it’s out in the open and you guys now know what the struggles are and you can keep me accountable to managing my time and tasks, and hopefully, I can balance my buckets better.
I am truly inspired by all of the women out there working hard, hustling towards their dreams, and raising little ones on the way. Kids or no kids, I want to be more like you, and that is what will motivate me to get up and try harder tomorrow.